“Sometimes I cannot work out my offspring. One moment he will state something that catches me off guard with its clarity, then the next come out with something that causes me to think he may be mentally handicapped.”
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School

“I don’t understand why I have to go to school at all, the internet knows more than all the teachers there put together.”
After paying $7.50 for a coffee

“We should open up a shop next to that one, buy their coffees and sell them from our shop for a dollar more.”
Shoplifting

“If we went into a shop and I put a stereo on and danced, you could run out with a different stereo while everyone is looking at me.”
Swimming

“If you swim in the sea then you should always go swimming with a fat girl because sharks will go for them first.”
On having homosexuality explained

“That’s gross. Not the bit about girls kissing girls though, that’s pretty good.”
From this site.
Via Siege.